An open love letter to my son on his birthday

Dear sweet baby boy,

Five years ago today we went through a journey that changed my life forever. It's late at night as I write this, and I can't help but think back on how magical and yet terrifying the night you were born was for me. Your older brother had a lovely birth at the hospital with a midwife, but I knew I'd never do that again, and so I chose to have you at home - I was anxious.

At this time five years ago I was in labor. Your papa was there and your older brother was in his room with his grandma, waiting for you to arrive. Our midwife was present, as was her lovely apprentice; these were two women I had grown to love and adore. They knew where I was (both having been there before) and that I was on a journey larger than any of us in that room.

You came into my life quiet and very alert. Just like both of your brothers, you were a very easy baby. When your baby brother arrived two and a half years ago, it didn't take long for you to find your voice. Since then, you have challenged me in many ways. Often, I wonder when we will move out of this stage and you've made me question many aspects of what I thought was a foolproof parenting style. Oh boy, I was a cocky mother of two. Three, really did change the dynamics of our family dramatically and it seemed to have the biggest affect on you. But recently I've noticed you rising above your frustrations and finding your own way in the world. It's so wonderful to watch you grow.

You are a beautiful boy. You love cooking, reading, drawing, and you are THE BEST five year old gardner that I've ever known. (Actually, you could seriously challenge most adults when it comes to your garden.) You love your Papa more than me, you tell me all of the time. You are smart and opinionated and could care less if you are the only boy wearing pink hello kitty gloves to school or a cute ladybug tutu for Halloween (see link). You inspire me. With each day that passes, I try to soak you in and hold you tight for just one second longer, knowing soon this will all just be a fading memory.

Happy 5th birthday... to my one and only.

You won't understand how much I love you for a very long time, and that's just fine.